Fair and Equal: We Want All of Our Children to Feel Loved—But If We Split the Farm, It Won’t Survive


 

We all want our children to feel equally loved and equally valued. But when it comes to passing down the farm, equal doesn’t always mean fair—and if we’re not careful, trying to be “equal” could destroy the very legacy we hoped to leave behind.

The Cutting Board Story

I once worked with a farm couple who were hesitant to start the planning process unless their farming son was involved from the beginning. To them, this was farm succession—nothing more.

But as we worked through the initial stages with just Mom and Dad, something deeper came to light. Their non-farming son had once made a joking comment at a holiday gathering:

“I figure all I’ll inherit is Mom’s old kitchen cutting board.”

It wasn’t about the money. It was about what that meant—a fear of being left out or less valued.

This son was thriving in his career and financially secure, but he still felt like his brother—the farmer—was the “golden child.” And Mom saw it. She felt the tension, the heartache, and the pressure of holding the family together.

The truth is, what seems like a financial issue is often a heart issue. When we helped this couple create a plan that honored both the needs of the farm and their values as parents, peace followed. But if that plan hadn’t come together, the emotional rift could have become a permanent divide.

What the Bible Says About Favoritism and Division

Scripture is full of stories that warn against favoritism.

“Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons… and he made him an ornate robe.” — Genesis 37:3

That robe—intended as a gift—led to jealousy, betrayal, and family division that lasted for decades.

It’s a reminder that even unintentional favoritism creates wounds. That’s why it’s essential to separate love from money in your planning, and create a strategy that preserves both the farm and your family relationships.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” — 1 Timothy 6:10
“You cannot serve both God and money.” — Matthew 6:24

The Hard Truth: Most Farms Can’t Be Split

Let’s say this plainly: most farms cannot be divided equally without being destroyed.

You probably know this already, but it bears repeating:

  • Some years, a farm might support two families—but most years, it barely supports one.

  • Splitting assets like land or equipment often bleeds the business dry.

  • Your farming child likely gave up other career paths, retirement plans, and stability to stay on the land.

  • Starting over with debt or dividing revenue-generating assets can cripple the operation.

You’ve worked hard to build equity, secure the land, and eliminate debt. Equal division might feel loving in theory, but in practice, it often sets the next generation up for failure.

Legacy Isn’t About Everyone Getting Rich

There’s a myth that “fair” means giving every child the exact same amount. But in truth, legacy isn’t about equal dollars—it’s about clarity, intention, and peace.

Many families wrestle with what’s fair for their non-farming children. It’s not an easy answer, but it becomes clearer through a planning process that considers both the financial numbers and the emotional weight.

When parents take time to work through their values and the farm’s financial reality, they usually discover a plan that brings peace—not just to them, but to everyone involved.

Yes, There Are Solutions

You’re not stuck. There are more than a dozen practical ways to handle this challenge—many of which don’t involve dividing the land or giving up your dreams.

One of the most effective solutions?
Creating a separate financial “bucket” for the non-farming heirs—often through life insurance or strategic asset planning.

This method:

  • Preserves the operational integrity of the farm

  • Avoids entangling siblings as unwanted business partners

  • Prevents asset liquidation and long-term conflict

It’s a beautiful option that helps ensure your wishes are carried out without jeopardizing the business or relationships.

But timing matters. Start early—ideally in your 50s—when planning tools are more affordable and more flexible.

The Bottom Line

You raised your children with love. Some left the farm and built beautiful lives elsewhere. One may have stayed and carried on the legacy. Loving them all doesn’t mean giving them the same thing.

Fair doesn’t always look equal on paper—but it can feel deeply fair in the heart.

And with a solid plan, your farm can thrive.
Your family can stay united.
And your legacy—of faith, hard work, and love—can endure.



Book a Consultation with Heather: Free Consultation

Get a copy of a Farm Succession Road Map to help you work through the process: Road Map






Heather Venenga

605-880-1649

heather@harvest-legacy.com

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